I was red, and she was blue. I was the mess, and she was the perfection. I was tornado, and she was peace. Nothing would ever change that.
I knew where this was going from the beginning. We wouldn’t end up as friends, that I was sure. At least that was the logical thinking of how two different characters dared to crash a diamond wall which had separated them. That was logical, yes. That made sense, everyone would agree. That was logical, completely logical.
Hell, we were poles apart.
My dreams were sacred. I treasured them, even in times of painful and severe pile of burning memories. They kept me away from the real deals, repressed my tempers, and hid my scars. I was hooked up. They were my fantasy, the very root of my broken, messed up life.
Years and years I spent times curling up in my fictional lair, until she showed up on my doorstep. She was calm, and neatly clothed. I was dirty and deformed. But I laughed at the situation. No one saw, no one cared.
She offered me the world, which, in case this hadn’t occurred to you yet, was full of banging doors and screaming souls and lonely actors. I laughed again, wasn’t interested. “Thanks,” I said. “But I’ve already got my own world. It’s full of wonders. I’m not in need for what you’re offering me.”
Her lips were stretched, forming a little, peaceful smile. She lifted her hand, and fixed the position of her glasses using her index finger. That was when I noticed her ocean blue eyes, blue enough to spark a small part of my destructive fire. “Your own world,” she said. Her voice reminded me of the sound of flowing stream water on the mountains. “It’s… also a part of this world. You know, the bigger one. The one you can actually touch.”
Without saying anything, I tried to close the door. “Please, leave,” I asked her as the line of sunlight from outside grew thinner. But the door wouldn’t move for another inch. She tapped her hand onto it to hold it open.
“They’re calling for you,” she finally said.
“I don’t feel like being called,” I replied straight away.
“But they are!” I could tell she was desperate.
“Why are you forcing me like this?” I asked in a hurting tone.
Then she went silent. Her eyes were peaking through the thin line between the door and the wall. “Would you like to walk with me?” she asked in a really gentle tone.
I could just bang the door right at the moment, closing it completely, rejecting everything, blowing away this strange girl out of my sight. But her stubbornness made me curious. What did she want? Who was she? Why was she doing this? My brain reformed into a time machine, shooting back through ages, searching for whatever clue I could find as to what lead me to this point in my life, where some random person tried to reach my heart.
“What would I find out there?” I asked to buy some time.
“Things,” she responded. “Many things. Good and bad. You’ll see. It’s gonna be full of surprises.” She was still standing at the exact same position, declaring silently that she would never leave until I accept her offer.
“How can I know you’re not trying to trick me? That you’re not some kind of thief or serial killer who’s trying her hardest to get me out of my house? Cause I gotta be honest, darling, you look awfully desperate.”
She seemed to be staring at my eyes, into my soul, touching it and cleaning it from dusts. “I don’t have anything to prove to you.”
Both of us were being silent for minutes. Now I’m wondering why I didn’t decide to just close the door. But I’m glad I didn’t. The silence was me hitting a wall which suddenly appeared in the path that I’d been walking on. The silence was a good opportunity for me to shut it all completely. But if I did, I could have been stuck on the wall forever.
And then I chose to give this girl a chance.
“You’re giving yourself a chance,” she said as if she could read my mind. “I’m only here to help.”
She was right. I found many things out there. I saw colours, hands, tears, blankets, ice creams, and trees. I heard laughter, cries, running steps, clicking, the wind blowing, and birds chirping.
I felt good, I felt alive, I felt that I was a part of this.
My heart was racing, my legs moved faster than they ever had in my entire life. The sky was bright, and the sun was warm on my skin. I laughed with this girl. I played little tricks on her, spouted jokes to make her laugh. I felt braver when I was with her, like, I could do anything. I could push myself into actually do something, help someone, start a life, produce something, get stronger. I felt confident. All was because I was with her.
Then I found out, later that evening, that banging doors were only a mark of lost hearts who long for love, that screaming souls were the ones who need a home, and that lonely actors were still searching for a friend. I felt like… I wanted to be the one who loves, the one who protects, and the one who accompanies. I wanted to help them.
Maybe, if I could be like this strange girl, I could knock on doors of houses like mine, hold it open for the owner to answer the world. That was just a stupid thinking, I guessed. I mean, I was the perfect example of a classic fucked up individual.
That was like trying to break a diamond wall.
So it was logical to think that it was impossible. But I’ve learned that there’s more to this world than meets the eye. Would I give it a try? I had no idea.
But that day was literally the best day of my life. I had fun, I felt amazing. I had a blast. Even though I came back into my cave later that night, and I felt trapped again, I might want to try it for another time, and other times following. I might lose my cave, my perfect protection, my heavenly prison. But I also might find a better one, which would not be a prison at all. Every possibility is possible in this world. Something would happen, and it would definitely be a change, to replace the old one.
I might change, as well. Who knows.
I was red, and she was blue. She toned down my fire, she helped me. I tried to break the diamond wall. And I finally did. What did I find? I found myself. She was right there all this time, searching for me. She struggled, tried her best to find me. She even had to fight me to get to this point. But she had found me now, and I had found her.
She completed me, and I completed her. She succeeded on pulling me closer, and I made it easier for her. We touched each other’s hand. She lifted her right, I lifted my left.
This is illogical, I know. This would never make any sense, in any way imaginable. But you know what? I don’t give a damn. Life is indeed full of surprises, and it was never made to easily be accepted. But now I do.
I was red, and she was blue. Together, we became purple.