My Most Honest Poem So Far

It’s hard to keep up
Always ten steps behind
With no experience
or decent intelligence
I can barely survive

How they do things around here
What I’m supposed to be doing
How to build a proper relationship
with other human being

So far behind
all the time
This weighs heavy on my mind
all the fucking time

And then sometimes
at night
where complete silence lets me hear my own heartbeat
I get reminded that I’m living on borrowed time
I don’t have forever, my time will come

And looking at the sky
tells me that at the end of the day,
among the billions of people
I’m just one person
invisible
insignificant
So really, what’s the point?
It is what it is
Just living day by day
doing what needs to be done
without knowing why

So yeah, I’m always behind
I’m stupid
with little to no social skill
I’m lazy
sluggish
messy
just overall a failure at everything

This might be as good as it gets
And it just doesn’t matter
So I huff and shrug
head tilts back and close my eyes
I don’t know what I’m doing
I don’t know why I’m here
I’m sick of having no answer
of being both behind and in the dark
with no sense of purpose
inside this fucking dirty tunnel
damp, cold dripping water
filled with age old garbage
on planet Earth
in this ever expanding universe

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